My cousin Gudrun’s comments on my two articles on HYGGE

My cousin Gudrun’s comments on my two articles on HYGGE

Kære Vibeke.

Det  er et interessant emne du skriver om, og hvem kunne  vel være bedre til det end du, som har boet i 3 forskellige lande.?

Jeg vil gerne komme med nogle kommentarer, så du hører det fra en ”gammel-dansker”.

Jeg fik aldrig at vide hjemmefra,  hvordan  jeg skulle opføre mig, når jeg spiste hos andre.

Det var først da jeg kom på husholdningsskole,  at  jeg lærte noget om bordskik, borddækning, servering   o.s.v

Jeg husker en episode fra 2.klasse, hvor jeg var til fødselsdag hos en pige. Der blev serveret is, og da jeg gerne ville have for 3. gang, sagde pigens mor ”du kan da vist godt lide is”. Jeg husker tydeligt at jeg blev flov,  fordi jeg troede at der lå en bebrejdelse i det.

Jeg tror ikke, at mine forældre tænkte i de baner, men i øvrigt  var det jo ikke så tit, at  vi  var  ude sammen med  de voksne. Vi blev passet af vores Mormor eller Farmor.

Da jeg selv fik børn, ville jeg helst heller ikke have  dem med  ud om aftenen, for jeg havde haft dem fra kl. 6 om morgenen, og trængte til at blive ”børnefri” om aftenen.

Vi havde nogle bekendte, som altid tog deres små børn med ud, og jeg husker, hvordan den ene tissede på en stol og den anden lavede på gulvtæppet, og at der i øvrigt slet ikke var plads til den voksensnak, som jeg havde hårdt brug for.

Nu tager alle unge  deres børn med ud om aftenen, med mindre de udtrykkeligt er blevet bedt om at få dem passet. Jeg tror, at det er fordi de voksne er væk  fra  deres børn hele dagen, og så synes,   at de skal være sammen med dem om aftenen.

Det er  selvfølgelig noget helt andet med vores børnebørn, for dem er vi jo virkelig interesseret i, men når  de er med, så skal de jo tidligt hjem og i seng, og det virker også forstyrrende.

Er det almindeligt i USA,  at voksne rejser sig fra bordet, når de er færdige med t spise?

Det gør vi ikke her, men børnene kan jo ikke sidde time efter time  ved bordet og hygge sig, så de spørger pænt, om de må rejse sig, og det får de så lov til.

Steen og Rikkes børn bliver opdraget til at vente md at spise, indtil alle har fået, og når vi kommer på  besøg, kommer børnene pænt ind til os og snakker, mens vi venter på maden.

Om gæster, der  vil hjælpe.

Normalt går gæsterne jo ikke i køkkenet,( her I Danmark) men her hos os gør de -  efter  at vi har spist – fordi de ved,  at jeg har svært ved at klare det.

Jeg ordner al maden og dækker bordet, inden de kommer, og når vi har spist, hjælper  de med at bære ude af bordet.

En af veninderne synes at et rent køkken er  vigtigere end gæsterne, så når hun er den der skal  sørge for frokosten, ser vi ikke meget til hende,  fordi hun skal have vasket op og tørret borde og alt af, inden vi går.

Køkkenet er som blæst, når gæsterne er gået. Det finder jeg faktisk meget uhøfligt mod gæsterne. Vi andre nøjes med at bære ud af bordet, og så ordne opvasken, når gæsterne er gået.

Angående HYGGE ved bordet

så har du fuldstændig ret i, at der ikke er noget så dejligt som at sidde længe ved et bord og snakke med hinanden – gerne i timevis, men det kan man jo kun, hvis man er virkelige venner og ikke bare bekendte.

Og jeg  har da aldrig været gæst et sted, hvor der ikke var siddeplads til alle

Er  det virkelig sådan i USA – at man inviterer flere end man har plads til?

Festsange

Ja, det bruger man desværre ikke så meget mere hos de unge. Jeg  har selv skrevet nogle, men når  de unge holder fester,  er det ikke sange, men forskellige former for optræden,  man bruger for at more selskabet.

Enten gør man det selv, eller også inviterer man en professionel til at optræde.

Vi har engang været til en fest, hvor selveste Kim Larsen ankom og sang for os. – Troede vi.  Det  var jo bare ikke  den ægte Kim Larsen, men en skuespiller, der var en tro kopi af ham.

Venskab og Bekendte

De unge – I Danmark - knytter meget hurtigere venskab med andre, end vi gjorde.

F.eks. med børnenes klassekammeraters forældre – med kvinder fra fødselsgrupperne eller forældre fra børnenes sport.

Det mener jeg nu må være ”bekendte” , for venskab kræver lang tid.

Vennerne er  dem man  kan  dele problemerne med, og som vi selv lytter til.

Så måske bliver det som hos jer – mange bekendtskaber og få virkelige venner.

De allerbedste venner er jo dem, som man har kendt fra sin barndom eller ungdom.  Dem falder man altid i hak med, selv om man måske ikke har set dem i lang tid.

Det var sjovt at høre om forskellene.

Der  er  sket mange ændringer med årene.

Nu må du HYGGE dig!

Kærlig hilsen

Gurdun

Translation of My cousin Gudrun's comments on my two articles on HYGGE

Dear Vibeke.

 It's an interesting topic you write about and who might be better than you who have lived in 3 different countries.?

I would like to make some comments, so you hear an old Dane’s perspective (who is living in Denmark)

 I was never taught how to behave when we had to go for dinner at other people’s place.

It was first when I went to a “housekeeping school that I learned something about table manners, table setting, how to serve etc.  dish, table cover, serving, etc.

I remember one time when I was in 2nd grade I went to a birth party a girlfriend’s place.  They were serving ice cream.  When I wanted my 3^rd serving, the girl's mother said, "You must like ice cream." I clearly remember that I was so embarrassed because I thought she was correcting me.

I do not think my parents thought about things like that, but it was not very often we were out with the adults. We were babysat by our grandmother or grandmother.

When I got children, I would rather not have them with us out in the evening, because I had them all day from 6:00 a.m. in the morning, and needed to be "child-free" in the evening.

We had some acquaintances who always took their little children with them out and I remembered how one peed on a chair and another was pooing on a carpet.  I felt there was no peace and time adult talk that needed.

Now all young people bring their children with them in the evening unless they have explicitly asked to have them taken care of.

I think it's because adults are away from their children all day, so think they have to be with them in the evening s too.

Of course, it is quite different with our grandchildren, because those are really interested in seeing, but when they are here, they have to go home early and in bed, and that is also frustrating.

 Is it common in the United States that adults get up from the table when they finish eating?

We do not do this, but children cannot sit hour after hour at the table and enjoy themselves so they ask nicely if they have to get up and they are allowed to do so.

Sten and Rikke’s children have to wait to get served until everyone has eaten and when we come to visit, the children come and talk with us while we wait for the food.

About guests who will help

Normally, the guests do not go in the kitchen, (here in Denmark) but at our place do - after we have eaten - because they know I'm having trouble managing.

I usually arrange all the food and cover the table before they arrive and when we have eaten, they help clear the table.

One of my friends feels that a clean kitchen is more important than the guests, so when she is the one that are host of the lunch, we don’t see her much because she has to get all dished cleaned and dried before we leave.  The kitchen is like blown when the  guests are gone. In fact.

I find that very rude to the guests. The rest of us prefers clearing the table and then clean the dishes after the guests have gone.

Regarding the HYGGE at the table

You are absolutely right that there is nothing as nice as sitting at a long table and talking to each other - for hours, but you can ONLY DO THAT IF YOU ARE FRIENDS, not just acutance’s.

I have never been a guest somewhere where there was no seating for everyone

Is it really the case in the United States - that you invite more than you have room for?

Party SONGS

Yes, unfortunately, the young people do not use that anymore. I have written some, but when the young people are partying today, there are no songs, but different kinds of performances.

Either you do it yourself or you invite a professional to perform.

Once we went to a party where the actor Kim Larsen arrived and sang for us. - We thought it was the real Kim Larsen that was coming, but It was not the real Kim Larsen, but an actor, that was a true copy of him.

Friends or acquaints

The young people – in Denmark – make friends much faster friendship than we did.

F.ex   the children's classmates' parents - with women from the birth groups or parents from the children's sports.

I think this must be acquaints they are having, because making really friendships take time.

The real friends are the ones to share the problems with, and who we ourselves listen to.

So maybe it will become like at your place (In Canada and USA that they will have many acquaintances and few real friends.

The very best friends are those one have known from childhood or youth. You can always connect even though you might not have seen them for a long time.

It was fun to hear about the differences.

There have been many changes over the years.

I hope you will have some Hygge.

 Love Gudrun

MY ANSWER TO GUDRUN’S QUESTIONS

Is it common in the United States that adults get up from the table when they finish eating?

In private home

First of all, I do not remember very many place where I have to dinner in neither Canada, nor USA, where there was a table set in the first place.

In most cases, all the food is placed on a counter, and everybody take what they want and “sit where they want”.

Everybody sit “where they can find a place to sit”.

A chair, or couch, or the floor even.

In the very few cases I have been to In a private setting, yes some adults have left the table, but is is mostly children who leave the table.

At larger gathering

like I have been to lots and lots of church parties where tables and chairs have been set up and in both Canada and USA they spend a lot of time and money on “decorating” the hall.

In all cases the food has been on other long tables and people will get up t get the food.

Yes, in all cases I have seen people leave when they were finished eating or after the entertainment.

2^ND QUESTION

I have never been a guest somewhere where there was no seating for everyone

Is it really the case in the United States - that you invite more than you have room for?

 Well, since people in most cases set tables etc.  they don’t really think about “how many will be there” and many times people are standing or sitting on the floor, so

YES, IN ACCORDING TO DANISH ENTERTAINMENT STANDARDS, IT IS QUITE COMMON FOR PEOPLE in Canada and USA  TO INVITE LOTS OF PEOPLE AND THINK ABOUT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE COMING.

Vibeke