HYGGE AND DANISH ENTERTAINMENT
For many years, the Danes have been rated number one in the
world in “being the happiest people in the world and the last year there has
been a lot of talk in the United States about the Danish word “HYGGE” and what exactly it means.
As a Dane, born and raised in Denmark, but having lived in
both Canada and USA, I would like to give my take.
Having immigrated to Canada 1966 with my ex-husband Keld
Neumann Johansen and my then 10-year-old daughter Linda and now lived 6 years
in the United States with my husband Bent Lindhardt, I have done a lot of
“pondering” about the interest that is happening on the American Continent in
“The Danish Hygge” and what
“do I feel” that makes us Danes have Hygge,
because yes, it is true – we do have HYGGE in our blood.
This year a book was written: “The Little book of Hygge”
by Meik Wiking.
As I write this, I have not read the book and I want “what I
write”, to be “totally” non-influenced by other people, books etc. but purely
by “what I feel inside of me being a pure Dane in blood and mind”.
I turn 80 this years and my husband Bent turns 83. I have
had some discussions with him on the subject, so some of the things I write is
also influenced by our conversations, but “what I feel” is totally my own
feelings.
I feel that HYGGE
is related to two things:
HOW THE DANES
ENTERTAIN.
HOW THE DANES VIEW
Both things are very important to the Danes.
The way the Danes socialize and HYGGE
is connected.
Both Bent and I realize more and more “that we come from a
different ERA”.
As children born in 1934 and 1937 we were raised and taught
“totally” different than children that were raised in the 60th, or
70th or today in 2017.
So “our way of life is partly influenced by our age, but we
were also talking about our experiences we have immigrated and we have
traveled back to Denmark over the years and socialized with our Danish
families and friends, so our opinions are not only based on our own old age,
but the difference we have seen and see in “how the Canadians and Americans
socialize” compared to “How the Danes socialize”.
We both feel that there still is “very much a cultural
difference in how people entertain in the three countries.”.
GOING BACK IN TIME
I would like first to go back in time when I was a 10-year-old
child – around 1947-1948 - and my
parents f. ex. had to go for a ‘SMALL”
dinner invitation to my step uncle Lasse and his wife Karla, where I LOVED to
go, because I could play with cousins Birger and Lise Larsen.
Us three girls, my sisters Inge Lise and Birgit, who were 9
and 7 years older than me had “dinner party etiquette instructions” before we
went to uncle Lasse and Karla’s place and it was “an honor” for us children to
be allowed to “sit at the dinner table with adults”.
Some of the instructions for me personally were: “Do not
take any food from the table before Mom has given a nod”. “Do not take any food before the adults have
been served”. “Take a bit of everything,
even if you don’t like it”. “Don’t ever
say that there is food you don’t want or like”.
“Eat the food that has been served and don’t complain about that you
don’t like peas – which I hated as a child”.
And here comes the big one “which is still very much the
same today in Denmark – “I think” at least from what I have experienced on my
few trips to Denmark, but I might be corrected on that one: “Do NOT leave the
dinner table before EVERYBODY is finished eating”.
It was and maybe still is considered very rude and
disrespectful to both the host and other guests to leave the dinner table
before everybody has finished eating.
To simply eat, get up from the table, take your plate and
maybe even dump half of the food on your plate in to the zinc is shocking to us
old folks.
Many times, in both USA and Canada, eventually only one or
two people are sitting there eating and everybody else has left.
In both Bent’s and my mind – and we have discussed this
often – it feels like an insult, but then again it is properly partly because
of our upbringing, but also our age.
It goes back to what we have been taught: “respect to the
host and cook”, who after all have spent a lot of money and time to prepare a
meal for the guests. It was an age where in Denmark “traditions” and “customs
around having guests were totally different than we experience in our new
countries.
HOW THE DANES
SERVE THEIR GUESTS IS A PART OF HYGGE
When Bent and I grew up, it was usually the woman/wife who
did ALL the
preparation and cooking for SMALL family or friends dinner.
For a guest to go in to the kitchen would be considered rude and was totally unheard of. The kitchen belonged to the woman and no guests
would even consider going there.
When you had a guest in Denmark, they were considered
guests, not servants and guests would not even consider to suggest – like we do
here - “that they go in the kitchen to help”.
It was simply an unspoken tradition, that a guest “sits
down and enjoy being served by the host” and the host took pride and joy in
“serving their guests”. It felt like an
honor
BIGGER GATHERINGS
If there were “bigger” family or friend gathering” the Hosts
would hire a “Kogekone” = “A cooking woman”. As a matter of fact, my Mom did
that for a while, after she was divorced and I was hired to come along with her
when she was cooking and serving for home parties”. I was “the gofer”. Set the table, clear the table, do the dishes
etc. Bent’s previous mother-in-law apparently did the same thing.
If families had huge gathering for anniversaries or very
special occasions – and that still seems to be tradition in Denmark - the Danes
would/and apparently still do “rent space” in hotels, or now “old farms that
has been renovated for caterings”.
The host will pay for the catering and again, everybody sits
down for a very long time to eat and have HYGGE.
In more affluent homes, the couple would have a permanent
“Kogekone” and a “servant”. The “kogekone” would organize all meals together
with the “Husfruen” = the wife. Kogekonen would cook all meals and the
“servant” beside from properly also be the cleaner of the home, would serve the
three meals to the family and do the dishes.
If you want to see that in a good show, watch “Matador”
which is a 24 hour really good series show on “Bonanza” = https://www.fan.tv/shows/7884-matador
CHILDREN parties
were not involved in HYGGE TIME.
I am not sure how it is in Denmark now, but children were
usually not invited to bigger adult birthday or anniversary parties and if they
were “they were to be seen and not heard”. To be respectful and not boisterous.
They were usually sitting at a separate table and had to wait to be served
after the adults were served.
I have noticed both in Canada and United States that at
bigger – and not so big gatherings – that children many times get served first
and can “take” what they want.
Children are also allowed to run around and do whatever they
want and for us older adults who are raised different, it sometimes feel that
“the children are the focus” and the ones that are being catered to.
At Danish birthday parties, children are usually totally
catered to with hot chocolate with whip cream, lots of goodies, lots of cake,
lots of games gifts etc.
FAMILY RE-UNIONS
A family reunion – in our Danish minds- is where children
are very much the centrum too and a total part of the planning including games
for the children, and many other activities catering to children.
It is where adults and children come together and “connect
as families”, but HYGGE is not really the focus of a Family Re-Union.
Us two old Danes, see those events as total different events than a “Family” or “Friend” dinner or lunch party of either a few or many
people where we try to “build in the HYGGE”
with nice table cloth, candles, decorations
etc. All a part of the DANISH HYGGE.
HYGGE IS PART OF SITTING
DOWN AND STAY SITTING DOWN.
Bent and I feel that we sometimes miss the HYGGE meaning the closeness and intimacy that we know and would
like to experience when we meet with family and friends.
I believe that “a part of wanting HYGGE” is connected to the ability to simply sit down and
pay attention to the guest. To give both the host and the guests attention and
to show a sincere interest in getting to know each other behind the surface. (see
my other blog on “The connection between HYGGE
and Friendships.)
The Danes can “sit for hours and hours and hours ‘sometimes
a whole day by that table just to eat and talk. They don’t necessarily need an iPhone,
iPad, laptop or other things beside them.
When I lived in Denmark I have personally put on parties in
my “little” 3-room apartment where we had 16-18 people squeezed around a long
table with decorations, candles, napkins nice table cloth etc.
We would not dream of not having everybody sitting down
together and in our minds – from our Danish upbringing - that would be
considered totally unheard of and would not be accepted very well by anybody. Then
better not invite anybody or find a bigger location somewhere for the guests.
We would sometimes invite several people for a lunch at 1:00
p.m. We would still be sitting there in to the evening and would keep bringing
more food out.
THE SINGING
At small or large parties we would be talking and laughing and the one huge thing that
was extremely important to all of Danes; “We would all sing together”. As Danes, we all learned and knew the same
songs, so singing was considered an “of course we are going to sing-thing”. What would a party be without music and
singing and in my husband’s case, he would bring out the accordion and play so
everybody could sing along with his music.
Many times, at “special occasion parties” like birthdays
etc. both guests and host “would write a song on a familiar Danish tune”. The songs would be printed, rolled up with a
bow and passed along to everybody or left at the side of the fork and spoon.
Bent has written and produced numerous such songs for several occasions.
All this – what we call HYGGE:
It is all “in-bread” in our souls and our bodies. The coziness of “just sitting there for hours
with all the food and drinks by the candle lights “getting to know our families
and friends deeply and feel “the bonding”.
SO, WHAT IS HYGGE
TO ME when it comes to socializing?
I believe it is “How we socialize” with our friend that
makes the difference in what we Danes call HYGGE and what people from other
countries try to describe as HYGGE.
The ability for the Danes to take the time to “sit down” to
feel intimacy with each other.
Vibeke
Lindhardt
vibekesonja.blogspot.com
7 June 2017
See also my other blog on the subject of
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