IF THERE IS ROOM IN YOUR HEART - THERE IS ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE.

When Bent and I lived in Denmark, the Danish tradition were that people could

 ”drop by” at family and friends places any time.

Nobody found it strange that you just showed up unexpected.  As a matter of fact, before the time of fridges, women usually had “some baked goods ready in the kitchen” just in case somebody showed up.

My mom always said “If there is room in your heart, then there is room in your house.”, so I grew up with that ANYBODY was welcome at ANY TIME in our home and I like that tradition and feel I have continued that Danish -drop-in - tradition all my life and have taught my children the same.

It was then and is still a part of what the Danes call “Hygge”.

We cozy up with our friends with a warm or cold drink and a few goodies and we might light a candle and place on the table to make visit more “Pleasant”.

 When I got married I got this little fridge with a freezer compartment, and I always made sure that there was something in the fridge for the “unexpected guests”.

Over the years both when I lived in Denmark, Canada and now in USA, I have always enjoyed having family and friends come for dinner, lunches or just a “drop by”.   "To keep your house open to family and friends AT ANY TIME.

It always makes both Bent and I happy when people feel relaxed enough with our friendship that they can just “drop by” for a CHAT.

Nevertheless, I learned that not everybody in neither Canada nor USA like the Danish tradition of just dropping by.  They want “a phone call first” and I can see the advantage of that too.  It might not always be convenient to drop by.

But, I guess when it comes to people dropping by, I am still what we would call in Danish “Pœre Dansk”. =  “Danish to the bottom”.

Vibeke Lindhardt

27 April 2017

THE WORLDS OLDEST PAPER BOY LIVES IN UTAH

A few weeks ago, I was reading in a DANISH newspaper that the oldest paper boy – 79 years old -  was living in Denmark.

I feel compelled to correct that, because I am sure that my husband Bent Lindhardt is the oldest paper boy in the world. He is 83.

Bent is DANISH – born in Copenhagen, but he does NOT live in Denmark. He lives in Toquerville. Utah, United

Bent had an International moving business when he lived in Denmark and was often in the United States. His moves were mostly for people who was immigrating.

Bent travelled through 35 of the 50 United States and decided that he liked the way of life in USA and in 1992 decided to follow in his customer’s path - to immigrate.

Being a member of “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints” (Mormons) where approx. 60% of the population are members of the church he decided to settle in Washington county of Utah.

Bent got a job as “Driver and Tourist Guide” of the tourist buses in the Zion National Park.

At that time when he was driving the Zion tourist buses, it was the driver that verbally introduced the Park to the tourists on the bus.  It has later been replaced with a recording.

When Bent introduced himself to the tourists he would say: “Welcome to the Zion National Park.  My name is BENT.  I have been “bent” all my life”.

Bent would introduce the tourists to “Weeping Rock”, “The Patriarchs” - “Angels Landing”, “The Narrows”  and all the other amazing places in the park.

Bent got to know the park in and out. He was impressed with the beauty of the park and felt it a privilege to work in such an amazing place. He did this job for 11 years. He met thousands of tourists from all over the world.  He got to know the park well and he loved his job.

(Bent – who is a writer and song writer/composer wrote a song called ZION. He recorded it in 2012 with John Houston’s recording studio) see encl.

In 1998 Bent bought himself a home in Toquerville Heights, Utah, with a view towards Toquerville city towards north and Smith Meza to the east.

To pay off his new home - as soon as possible - Bent felt he needed a little extra income and got a job as a paperboy with the “Spectrum News” which has their main office in St. George.

Initially Bent thought he would just take that job until the house was paid for. Nevertheless, he found out he liked throwing newspapers out of the car  and decided to continue being a paper boy  - even after the house was paid for.

Not only did he like it but he said that was told that all millionaires had started as “paper boys”, so he thought this might still have a chance for that million.

In the beginning, Bent’s newspaper route was in Hurricane, but about 12 years ago, he got an opportunity to get “the route of his dream”.  The 75-mile round trip to “Zion National Park”.

Bent gets up 3: a.m. every morning – seven days a week.  He never uses an alarm clock and never misses getting up in time and never complains about having to do his “job”.

Bent picks his papers up in LaVerkin then starts his route in Virgin, goes on to Rockville and then to the extremely popular tourist town: “Springdale”. In Springdale Bent drops of both Spectrum and “USA TODAY” to several hotels.  He then drives in through the park itself where he delivers papers to the most popular hotel “Zion Lodge”, (which is usually booked one year ahead.)

Zion National Park has become so popular with tourists that last year -2016 – there were about 4.5 million visitors.

the PATRIARCHS in the Zion National Park

The views in Zion National Park are simply spectacular and Bent enjoys them every day.

As Bent says: “Other people pays a lot of money as tourists to come and see what I enjoy every day; and I get paid for it”

One of Bent’s favorite experiences on his morning route is all the different kind of animals he encounters.  He regularly sees racoons, deer, fox, skunks, turkeys and off and on a mountain lion.

He will slow down his car and “talk to them”.

Bent does not want anybody to feel sorry for him, because He LOVES his newspaper route.  It keeps him alive, he says and he wants to keep going “Until I am Old” he says.

Vibeke Lindhardt

23 April 2017

Bent's SONG ZION is on this CD:

ZION

With the Virgin River running through the Canyon.

With the deer’s and other animals around.

Where the flowers, trees and birds are our companions.

We love the smells, the beauty and the sounds.

You are an international attraction.

The entire world they bring to you’re their heart.

An awe of the park is their reaction.

The language barrier always falls apart.

Zion, Zion. Beautiful Zion. 

Zion The National Park

You are a jewel in the West

You are loved by every guest.

With the red majestic mountains.  You’r the best.

There are trails for all the people. Old and younger.

And the backcountry for those who want some more.

“Angels Landing” not for those who are fear mongers.

“Weeping Rock” for those who really fear to soar.

The “Narrows” are for those who are the brave ones,

who likes to walk in water all day long.

But “Emerald Pool’s” a favorite in Zion

A choice   where families never can go wrong.

Zion, Zion. Beautiful Zion. 

Zion The National Park

You are a jewel in the West

You are loved by every guest.

With the red majestic mountains.  You’r the best.

There are switchbacks and tunnels in the east side.

Where the “Bighorns” are mating there in spring.

The mountains there are really, really different.

With “Checker Board” as being mighty King.

Adventure, beauty, peace and natures power,

is what Zion Park it always gives its guests.

God’s masterwork  we’re watching every hour.

We leave the park and feeling very blessed.

Zion, Zion. Beautiful Zion. 

Zion The National Park

You are a jewel in the West

You are loved by every guest.

With the red majestic mountains.  You’r the best.

Is our love for others CONDITIONAL?

Is our love for those around us so full of conditions that we deprive ourselves of loving others fully?

The word LOVE is so important to us as a human race.

I believe the “human race” speak about LOVE more than any other subject in this world.

·         no matter what background we have, color, creed or race.

·         No matter our status in life, we speak about love.

We speak about parent’s love, children’s love.

We talk about love for  siblings, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents.

We talk about love for our friends.

We speak about “Our first love” and love for spouses and our children.

We even speak of love of animals, of love of nature, love for art, music, hobbies.

We speak about love for travel etc. etc.

But are we placing CONDITIONS ON OUR LOVE?

Is our love for spouses, family, friends etc. CONDITIONAL?

Do we only love “if others behave the way we want them to?

Is our love depending on LOOKS?

Can we only love “if people look certain way, act a certain way”?

Can we only love “if others think and believe what we do?” or do we take away our love for friends, family, spouses when they don’t believe in things we do or do we take away our love when they disappoint us?

Can we see the good and show interest in others no matter who they are or how they live, or do we want them to “come around to our way” before we can show love and caring?

Do we turn away our affection and love from those we “profess to love” as a punishment for “not behaving the way we want them to” or do we only love people if they behave the way we think they should?

Is our love for people around so full of conditions that we deprive ourselves of caring for and loving others fully, no matter their looks, their interests, their belief system, their color or creed?

Forgiveness

I am a firm believer in “forgiving others for their mistakes”.

Does that mean I accept mental and emotional abuse from others?

Of course, not and I do realize that we all “need time” for healing wounds, especially mental and emotional abuse.

Does that mean I don’t get hurt and care less or feel less than others? Of course, not.

I have in my 80 years been deeply hurt by others behavior.

I have felt the pain of physical, mental and emotional abuse.

I have been defrauded.

I have felt the pain and anguish of being lied about, taken advantage of and had my name soiled.

I have been mistreated, misunderstood and unfairly treated - and each hurt has taken time to heal, but I have come to believe that through forgiveness, I can feel love them – “in spite of.”

Forgiveness is “my healer”.

I decided – several years ago – that I would refuse to let other people’s bad and sometimes abusive and controlling behavior destroy me and my life; and my – what some people see as naivety -  belief in the goodness of others,  My life and does not depend on others bad and sometimes downright mean spirited behavior

I don’t believe in keeping grudges. I feel life is too short to waste my time to feel anger forever.  

I am extremely grateful for the peace of mind I have found from the principle of “forgiveness”.

I have learned that I can love people for “whom they are” – humans who makes mistakes which can be extremely hurtful at times.

People, who sometimes people – without knowing all facts - make wrong conclusions.

And

sometimes people use harsh and unkind words that can be very hurtful, but

I have had many “healing” experiences from forgiving others who have hurt me deeply

and I have learned that I can love a person fully and freely without conditions – through forgiveness.

  

Vibeke Lindhardt

20 April 2017

I wrote this song 2012.

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is forgetting.

Remember it no more

The hurt that you were feeling

The hate you often bore.

Don’t waste your time regretting

And holding on to hate.

Let go of all the pain you feel.

Before it is too late.

The person that has hurt you

That stopped you being free.

The unfair action caused you.

They cannot really see.

Don’t waste your time regretting

And holding on to hate.

Let go of all the pain you feel.

Before it is too late.

Forgiveness is important.

It starts right in your heart.

Forgiveness is for you-u

And not the other part.

Don’t waste your time regretting

And holding on to hate.

Let go of all the pain you feel.

Before it is too late.

Let go of all the hurting

And pain that brought you down.

Leave judgment to the Saviour

who wears the real crown.

Don’t waste your time regretting

And holding on to hate.

Let go of all the pain you feel.

Before it is too late.

It was recorded with Nina Hart

WHAT IS CHARITY?

When I grew up I learned that CHARITY was when you helped a poor person who had no food, nor money.

To give alms to those in need.

I connected it with something “manually” you did for somebody, like throwing some pennies to the beggar on street.

But as I got older – I learned and realized that the word CHARITY extends to more than that and realized that my mother had taught me CHARITY her way.

I remember right after the war ended 5 May 1945 how she fed 24 soldiers and that they were sleeping side by side on our floor.

I also learned it other ways. When I was five years old I had an ear infection and was placed in the hospital where all the nurses were nuns.  I have no clue where in Copenhagen it was, but I remember their “loving care” and I especially remember that they would reward me for not crying too much from my infected ear by making me “a sweet cup”.

It was very simple recipe.  It consisted of beaten egg and sugar with a little coco in. Oh my, did I love that.

The interesting thing about that was; that what we later called the “Mormor Special” for me is automatically – in my brain – connects to gentleness,  kindness and love.

I realize that I have not always been thoughtful and CHARITABLE,

One event sticks out in my mind.  My mother was working for “Københavns Telefon Aktie Selskab” – “Copenhagen Telephone company. The agreement at that company was that after 10 years of working there, you would have full pension” from the company in your retirement.

After 9.5 years of working there, they fired my mother.  She was devastated and begged me to stay with her, but I wanted to live on my own and did not have the CHARITY in my soul to give her what she needed.

I wished now that  I could go back and change it, but it is too late.

Being CHARITABLE is not just about “what we can do for others” it is also about what we should NOT DO.”

Being critical and judgmental of others – especially those we profess to love -  is THE OPPOSITE OF BEING CHARITABLE.

We can be too judgmental of others views and opinion and so eager to see and point out others mistakes and so eager to hide our own.

We Judge appearances of other.  Their size, clothes, hair styles, the size of their homes, how they speak, what kind of jobs they do,

The following story was told by our President of the LDS church Thomas Monson (2010)

A woman was critical of her neighbor’s laundry.  Every time the neighbor were hanging out her clothes she expressed to her husband “how grey her sheets were instead of being white, as white sheets should be”

This went on for a long time.

Then one day the same woman expressed to her husband:  “Wow, she has finally learned to wash her clothes properly.  They are REALLY, REALLY WHITE TODAY”.

Her husband turned around and said to his wife: “ I cleaned our windows yesterday”.

We are not CHARITABLE when we cannot forgive those who have wronged us.

When we feel jealousy of others we are not charitable.

Not recognizing and acknowledging others efforts to be kind and helpful to us, is not CHARITY.

Mother Theresa said: “If You Judge People then you have No Time To love them”

I believe

CHARITY is a “State of Being”

CHARITY is more than giving of our substance. It is to look for the good in others, no matter how they are.

CHARITY is being kind, understanding and compassionate.

CHARITY is respect and courtesy towards other people with other opinions than ours.

CHARITY is patience and forgiveness for “those who have hurt us and let us down”.

President Monson  said:  Charity is love In Action

Vibeke Lindhardt

19 April 2017

PS: My husband Bent Lindhardt composed a long in 1963 on CHARITY:
Here it is;

CHARITY

If people they would show each other charity.

Forgive each other's failures and mistakes.

Don't talk about the things that you don't know for sure.

but take a mirror, and put on the brakes.

The jealousy and grudges that we sometimes feel.

The smiles and kindness that you have built up,

can break down if we don't show others charity.

The love will die.  Communication stop.

We all arrived from heaven.  From eternities,

and hopefully you'll se me there again.

So if we would just show each other charity.

The road back there is easier my friend.

Most people know what love is, and just how we feel

toward our families. - Both big or small.

But there are limitations to that love we feel.

It's only shared within our house and wall.

But charity is much more than the love we share.

It's smiles and help to everyone we meet.

Its a wish to care for all of those who come our way.

To feels God's love. To serve him at his feet.

We all arrived from heaven.  From eternities,

and hopefully you'll se me there again.

So if we would just show each other charity.

The road back there is easier my friend.

If people they would show each other charity

and smile and help both enemies and friends.

Cause charity is "love in action" everywhere.

The wish to serve and help and show we care.

Yes, even in our homes we need more charity.

Be kinder towards those we really love.

Cause charity it shows the spirit in our home

and comes from Heavenly Father up above.

We all arrived from heaven.  From eternities,

and hopefully you'll se me there again.

So if we would just show each other charity.

The road back there is easier my friend.

Pay forward, and it all on you depends.

Show love to enemies, as well as friends.

My History

OF FAMILY HISTORY

1960 I started to go to the Royal Danish archives in 1960, to find my ancestors.   I worked for the Government in the Department of Finance and the Government Genealogical archives happened to be just next door, so it was very convenient for me to sometimes spent some of my lunch time or a little time after work.

At the archives, I met Gregers Hvidkjœr, who worked there.  He was very helpful and was telling us that Mormon church was putting all the Danish church records on film and stored them in the granite mountains in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I became friends with Gregers and his wife Ceta. Gregers taught me a lot about genealogy, which was not only his job but his hobby.  His excitement over genealogy caught on to me and I have been doing genealogy ever since – with some breaks in between to raise my children and helping with grandchildren.

John Hvidkjœr (sitting in the back) - Ceta Hvidkjœr, Nina Hvidkjœr and Gregers Hvidkjœr

At that time everything was written by hand on pedigree charts and family group sheet.

I found the ancestors on my Father’s side, but my mother never knew who her Father was, so I could only find my ancestors on her Mother’s mothers side. I had personally visited my Grandmother Minna since I was 11 years old, but she was closed as a book when it came to the questions about “ who was my grandfather”?.

I kept doing genealogy off and on while I was raising my children, but in…….

1985 I found myself single after 28 years of marriage and had to find work to support myself and my son Harly. I moved from Vernon, British Columbia, Canada to Calgary, Alberta.  

1986 I started working in an office where there was a little Macintosh computer that nobody in the office  knew how to use. Those little Macintosh computers had already caught my attention in 1984 - when I lived in Vernon -  and I was very interested in finding out how they worked.

So, I asked my boss if I could use my lunch hour and after work to teach myself how to use the Macintosh computer.  He agreed and I was HOOKED on computers. After practicing for a while on that little Mac I could see how it could make graphics and  I decided that I wanted to learn how to do Desktop Publishing.

At that time 95% of all printing was done in a “regular” print shop, but I could see that this little MAC could change all that, so……

1987 I got an opportunity to work for the first Desktop Publishing company in Calgary on 7^th Ave.

It was two young oil men who had been laid off from the oil Industry, who started the business.

That year 1987 The LDS church introduced PAF 2.0 DOS VERSION OF PAF on Windows.

That same year the name of the LDS Church’s Genealogical Department was changed to the Family History Department, and the name of the Genealogical Library was changed to the Family History Library.

But people – like me -  who used Macintosh at that time, did not pay much attention to IBM DOS programs, which we MAC fans felt were very inferior to the Macintosh windows programs, so I have to admit that I not only did not want to use PAF 2.0. I felt that the only advantage of IBM computers was the larger monitors, besides I was a HUGE  fan of Steve Jobs.  He was my idol. I even went to Oakland to see his house.

1993    I moved to Vancouver and took a certificate in DESKTOP PUBLISHING on the Macintosh computers who of course at that time had improved greatly from the small computers we used in 1985 where we had shuffle the disks in and out of an external drive.  Now we were using large wonderful monitors where we could do a lot of graphic on and I loved every minute of it. I learned how to make business cards, flyers whatever you name it.  As long as it was graphics, I was interested.

We had to create a Newsletter for our Examen and I decided to create a Newsletter called  “ The Family Search”. I used  it to try to find out who my Mother’s Father was.

That same year – 1993 I decided to input all my genealogy in on the Macintosh computer in the ANCESTRAL QUEST program.

1994    I started to teach and help others with their genealogy.  Especially if it was Danish.

I helped a friend with her family history in PAF 2.0 (in windows) but was still not convinced that it was a the best program. Nevertheless, it became obvious to me that if I wanted to keep working and expand my usefulness in “any” office,  I could see and recognized that IBM had taken over the business world, and I had to succumb in order to keep working. So d I went and took two computer certificates for IBM users.

1997 the LDS church announced and update PAF 3.00  which had some improvements, but I still liked my Ancestral Quest program better so I kept going with my ANCESTRAL QUEST.

1999  A MIRACLE HAPPENED FOR GENEALOGIST.

everything changed, not only for me, but for millions of other members who were doing genealogy.

The 4.0 PAF “Personal Ancestral File” program became available from the church via the Internet.  the LDS Church began allowing Internet users to make free downloads of Personal Ancestral File 4.0

One could get it through the church’s website familysearch.org.

But not only that, the new church website was helping people with their family history.

Well, that convinced me. I decided to start all over again entering family history names to my PAF 4.

I made the decision for the last time to try and find out who my Grandfather was.   I got in contact with a genealogist in the area where my grandmother lived – in Sjolte – (Snesere Parish) in Denmark and she did her very best, but had no luck and I had actually given up trying to find anything about that family when  in the year:

2000    I came home from the office there was a letter from this lady saying: I am sorry, but I have not been able to find out who your grandfather was, but your grandmother Kristine – called Minna’s brother Anders Rasmussen’s burial ground is still being paid for by somebody who lives in Alberta, Canada.

I did not know how to approach this and I was telling one of my co-workers Lynn at the City of Calgary about my story of over 40 years trying to find out who my grandfather was and now I did not know how to approach this. Lynn was just laughing and said.  You try to get the phone number and phone them.

I was pretty nervous about this, but she told me to take some time off work and do it. I got hold of the phone number and called and a woman voice was on the other line, who had the same accent as my grandmother.

I asked her if she knew Anders Rasmussen from Snesere.  She said, yes, it is my Dad.

I don’t think I have ever been so excited.  I had not found my Grandfather, but I had found my mother’s cousin Elly Rasmussen who is the daughter of my grandmothers brother Anders Rasmussen -  just 2.5 hour drive from Calgary and that year Elly Rasmussen and her husband Ernok Nielsen made a family reunion, where we were 57 people gathered together in Devon. Alberta.   Elly at that time was 80 years old.

2002    I planned a trip to Denmark and Elly encouraged me to find the family of all my grandmother’s siblings and I was able to meet siblings of Karen Rasmussen – my grandmothers sister’s family. “the Hemmingsens. It was great to meet more of my newfound family in Denmark

2003    Denmark made history by being the first country to create a government genealogical website – arkivalieronlin.dk  and make their church records available directly on the internet – at no cost. (Many other countries charge if you want records)

2004    I worked in the family History Center in Calgary, helping people finding their Danish ancestors’.  One year on 17^th Ave and one year on Cres. Road

2007    The LDS church launched the newfamilysearch.org program as a pilot program. I got a phone call from the church asking me if I could be one of their “testers” of the program since Calgary Stake was being a testing ground

2007    I found the Klank Family.  (see the story about my grandfather Hans Peter Madsen KLANK)

2008    I set some personal goals of increasing my search for my ancestors.

2011    I moved to Utah and in

2012    Worked 6 months in the Hurricane Family History Center to help people find their ancestors.

2013    I decided to change to the “what I felt was a better genealogy ROOTSMAGIC 6.0

2014-2016  I again worked in the Hurricane Family History Center helping other find their genealogy.

I started to help people who were looking for their “Danish” ancestors and

 I am still doing that.

  

Vibeke Lindhardt

14 April 2017

STRØGET, Copenhagen, Denmark.

Walking in Copenhagen was a great part of my childhood, teenage and married life in Denmark.

I am sure there are no Danes who have not walked from Raadhuspladsen down STRØGET to Illum’s Bolighus and Nyhavn.

I am also pretty sure that any tourist visiting Copenhagen want to walk down STØGET either to just look at the many interesting stores and places, or sit at an outdoor restaurant for some Danish food or to shop at the many interesting stores.

As a teenager, it was a treat to walk and look at all the things I could not afford. 

It was a “different” and foreign world than the one I lived in.  A world with extremely expensive clothes and footwear etc. A place for just “looking” and “watching”, but not buying.

I always wondered where people got the money from to purchase such expensive items?   “Georg Jensen’s Silver” and shoes and purses that cost several hundred kroner was certainly not a part of my life.

When I got married I realized that It was many Danish housewife’s dream to own a set of Georg Jensen’s cutlery.

There were so many cute restaurants and of course we did not have McDonald and all the other American chain stores they have now. I think the first time I saw a McDonald on STRØGET was when I was “back-home” in 1970. Also numerous of stores have been added or changed since I lived in Denmark.

I had my usual stops at Højbro Plads and maybe swinging around to see “The Absalon Statue” and Gammel Strand.  When I was a little kid the Fish women were selling fresh fish there.

Harly and me on Høbro Plads

 A statue of Absalon who was the city's founder

A statue as a memory of "Fish" women that used to be there every day on Gammel Strand.

When I worked at Palle Hvid and Co’ paper company, which was located in one of the side streets to STRØGET; I loved going shopping in some of all the little basement shops in the side streets to STRØGET

There were many little inexpensive shops with merchandise from other countries and I loved buying earring and clothes from India and other countries.

Of course my walks either started or ended on RAADHUSPLADSEN where I had to feed the pigeons and then have a “WARM RISTET PØLSE” = “A Danish Hot Dog with roasted onion and  mustard.

PØLSEVOGN

RAADHUSPLADSEN

I loved feeding the pigeons. A s matter of fact, pigeons became a “regular” part of my life on Vesterbro.

We lived on the fourth floor in Kongshøjgade and the pidgins were regular guests outside our windows.I fed them so much that they sometimes came inside the apartment. That was when my mom set the limit.  No birds “inside” the apartment. Of course, at that time I did not agree.  Why not?  They were so cute and I liked the little bird sounds they made. 

The walk on STRØGET usually ended up at NYHAVN:

Nyhavn was not a place I was allowed to walk in when I was a child because it was know as a place where you should not go, unless you wanted to drink etc.

It has been cleaned up since and today is a huge tourist attraction.

I am grateful to have had the many, many walks in Denmark.

Especially those I had on STRØGET.

Vibeke Lindhardt

6 April 2017

BEING A HAPPIER ME  “ In Spite Of” -  From my 80 YEAR LIFE BOOK

HOW CAN WE BE HAPPY?

No matter what our circumstance is in a relationship, we can be happy or happier and therefore healthier.

Many times, the reason why we are not happy is because we either let someone control our thoughts and actions, or we control somebody’s thoughts.

The key is to work only with ourselves, and let other people be who they are.

Many relationships today are dysfunctional because of the breakdown of the “traditional family” in our society and children being raised in a single parent home or in a dysfunctional parent relationship.

A healthy parent relationship is where two people act like two mature, respectful individuals who respect each other and where one don’t want to control the other. It is more important that we learn to control of ourselves, without a desire to control others.

Learning to be happy can be like learning to jump over your own shadow.  It can be extremely difficult and takes a lot of willpower and determination, but it is worth it, because the result is peace and serenity – despite possible great difficulty on the home front or at work or the world.

It is like learning a new trade or reprogramming of a computer, because we are like computer that have been programmed as children. 80% of our programming was done before we were eight years old. 1.5% between 8-18, and only 5% of our programming as an adult. It is the 5% that we need to hang on to and then go in to the computer to find out “how we were programed as children – to re-program ourselves to a “healthier – happier me”.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE SAFE RELATIONSHIPS

In a healthy relationship, you don’t have to change who you are and you don’t expect your partner, parents or children, or grandchildren to change who she/she/they are.

You can make compromises, but not at the expense of your value or belief system, or your safety or your wellbeing.

Healthy relationships do not accept nor tolerate abuse, neither from their partner, parents nor children., etc.

There is a difference between “turning the other cheek” and forgiveness and abuse.  Abuse is overstepping boundaries of your health.

Do whatever is necessary for your own safety and health.

BEING IN DEFENSE MODE

What makes some people always be in “defense mode” in their relationships?

If we are constantly misunderstood, put down and criticized in our relationships we develop either:

·         a very aggressive behavior or

·         a very “shut down” fear of people behavior.

From my experiences in life the “don’t rock the boat” group are more respected in society even though that group of often are the cause of the problems.  Most people sympathize with the “don’t rock the boat” people and can be very critical of their partners (or parents, or children). That causes more aggression in the person being blamed.

BE A CHANGEMAKER

We can make choices in each situation we have.

A healthy relationship does NOT CLICK YOUR BRAIN and make you feel you have lost control. You don’t have to respond to rude and abusive behavior from anybody, or maybe “lack of response” and caring.

We can learn to “watch” others be rude, misbehave or show lack of consideration and caring, without getting our own emotions involved in “their lack of behaving properly.”

THEIR BEHAVIOR IS NOT YOUR BEHVAIOR

It is “their behavior”.   It is “Not your behavior”, so don’t let it influence how you feel and what you do.

Let them “have a fit” or “act immature” or “be rude and inconsiderate” or “blame you for things you have not done” or “try to destroy your name” or “lie and tattle about you to their family members and friends”.

It does NOT have to change YOU and WHO YOU ARE what others do.

FORGIVENESS

One thing I have been extremely grateful for in my life is that I have been given the “gift of forgiveness” because there have been numerous of times in my life when I had to use that gift.

Forgiveness has helped me getting over many hurts, including “defaming of my name” which I feel is one the most hurtful things one can experience.  It is like the old story about throwing a pillow of feathers up in the air.  You cannot pick them up and put them back.

If it was not for the gift of forgiveness in my life, I don’t think I would have been able to remain as happy and optimistic about life as I have been able to be and still am.

Vibeke Lindhardt    4. April 2017

MAGICAL TIVOLI

TIVOLI was a great part of my life from the age of ten until I got married 1957.

I had a summer pass and would be in Tivoli many times a week.

They had “Doormen” at the gate and I got to know one of them very well.  As a matter of fact, he was many times the main reason I wanted to go there.  To have a talk with the doorman.

But of course, Tivoli in itself was a “magical place” to be at any time.

I knew every little cranny corner, from “Pantomime” theatre” with “Pjerrot” to “Rutsjebanen”.= the roller coaster.  Mind you I mostly stayed away from the roller coaster because when the ride was done, I would throw up.

No, then I would rather go and listen to the concerts in “Glassalen”.

But, of course I had to watch “Tivoli Garden” with the little “boy-soldier” and if there was money, then I needed an ice-cream cone with whip cream, jam  and a “Flødebolle” on top.

It was very seldom I would be there for the “Evening Fireworks” since I had to be in school the next day.  It was only when Birgit and I went dancing in Tivoli.  Then we would stay and watch the fireworks.

Birgit and I had a lot of great times together in Tivoli.  Birgit was seven years older than me and she knew how to make it fun. My first jive was danced in Tivoli.  I can still hear the music: “One o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock Rock”. That was just up my alley.

When Walt Disney was planning to make “Disneyland” he came to “TIVOLI” in Copenhagen to get inspiration.

One never get tired of Tivoli, no matter if you are a child or an adult, but as you get older, one of the joys of going to TIVOLI is to sit down at the many little restaurants and have some “Dansk smørrebrød”

Tivoli only used to be open in the summer time, so I was really surprised one year when I was visiting Denmark in October to see it open for Halloween.

When we were children, nobody in Denmark celebrated Halloween. Nevertheless, I must say I was very impressed with what the Danes had done about Halloween in Tivoli.  It was as magical as the summer time TIVOLI I remember.

For me, TIVOLI has a lot of personal memories and I simply cannot visit Denmark in the summertime and not take a stroll in TIVOLI.

Vibeke Lindhardt

3 April 2017