Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when somebody tells a story which is not true but "on purpose" tells a lie because they want to “divert the truth”. 

A “Gaslightor” in many cases steers people away from truths and facts in the direction they want a story to go,  without any qualms about not telling “the truth” as long as it makes the story teller look good.

A Gaslightor have no qualms about how it hurt the other party.

Gaslightors can “create” stories that is so believable that many people not only believe it, but will pass it on “as truth”.

If the “the story” is interesting enough for people to repeat to others, the more they become convinced it is really true. They will use the old saying: “Where there is smoke, there is fire”.

We don’t think much about this issue being a real issue in private settings, but I have had personal experiences with Gaslighting. 

Here is one of them,which might seem insignificant to you, but for me it was devastating, since I hate lies, both about other people and myself.

After my ex and I divorced I went to Denmark for a trip to visit my family and friends.

I visited a really good friend in Odense that I have known for almost 60 years. 

He knows me in and out and knows that I am firm believer in “truth and integrity”. That is why he was concerned about “a story” that went around about me. He had been told me that one of the reasons my ex and I divorced was “because I spent all our money”!!!!

“What money” I asked him – with a grin, but I felt "gaslighted" and my honesty and integrity had been tarnished.

I asked him “where does that come from’? He pursued to tell me that it was “a common good friend” who lived in Sweden. Well, I knew who this friend was.  He used to be friends with both my ex and me. 

I contacted our friend in Sweden – in a letter – asking for more information “on the story”. He wrote back to me and “scolded” me for “what I had done”.

At least I had an opportunity to tell him what  “the real truth”:

In all the years my ex and I lived in Denmark, I made more money than my exhusband did and we always “shared” our bills and never really had any disagreements about how we handled our finances and after we immigrated to Canada, we had a business for 20 years, which never made us rich, but we scanned through life – partly because I took jobs on the side teaching music and art and also worked as a “stringer” for the Vernon Daily News.

My friend in Sweden was “shocked” when he heard “the true story”.

Gaslighting in work places and in politics.

Many business people and politicians make their own narrative.

Despite several proofs and facts, they chose to ignore “the truths” and start their “own” version of happenings and then pass it on in the media as truths.

Listen to what Stephanie Sarkis says about Gaslighting:

This is one of the insidious things about gaslighting—it is done gradually, over time. A lie here, a lie there, a snide comment every so often...and then it starts ramping up. 

Even the brightest, most self-aware people can be sucked into gaslighting—it is that effective.

It's the "frog in the frying pan" analogy: The heat is turned up slowly, so the frog never realizes what's happening to it. 

See: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting

My opinion:

GASLIGTING IS EVIL.  So simple is that.

No matter if it is done in the home, at the work place or in politics.

That is all I have to say about that.

As Edmund Burke (1729-1799) said: “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”

Vibeke Lindhardt

15 April 2018