THE BLIND COMFORT OF KEEPING GRUDGES

It is quite common for people who have been hurt over one thing or another and/or feel they have been unfairly treated to keep a grudge.

The grudge stays in their heart and minds as a background reminder of “what unfair” treatment they had.

Some  people have been seriously hurt in their lives.  Like rape, murder, cruel treatments in war, prison etc.

Some children have been sexually, mentally and emotionally abused.

Many children – incl. myself – have been bullied in school.

Some people have been cheated by other – incl. myself, when I lived in Castlegar, British Columbia. My ex-husband Keld and me gave $5000 around 1972 - which properly would equal to $50.000 today - to “what we thought was a friend” to fix and upgrade our house.  We were so naïve that we did not even ask for a receipt.

Well, this friend’s son took off to New York and bought himself a sports car and our house did not get fixed.   As a matter of fact, it took us years to pay off the loan we got from the bank.

Looking back, I can see that my ex and I dealt with this in two different ways, which eventually gave me an extremely strong belief in FORGIVENESS and led him in a different direction.

First Keld and I “together” went to all the authorities we could to “get things rectified”.

Nothing happened.  We both became bitter and angry.

This went on over a year, until one day a Mission President from our church came all the way from Vancouver to speak to us in – our unfinished home - home in Blueberry Creek (part of the Castlegar area).

  

I was excited, because I believed he would solve our problem for good. No, instead he started to talk about “Christ hanging on the cross” and I must admit I was upset.  Why were we not addressing “the issue”? But as he spoke, I realized what he was doing. He was telling us to “move on”.  Do not let what happen fester in your mind and in your heart, so “you can’t move on” emotionally.

How could we do that? Well, there is only one way: Forgive, go on with life and not let other people’s mistakes destroy you mind and therefore your life. I have to admit it hit me like a rock in my face.  I had festered this grudge in my heart and my mind for a year and I had become bitter.

I decided that day, to change and totally let it be in the past. It was a totally new thing for me, but like a feeling of “fresh air” in my mind, to start to understand and comprehend what it meant, I realized that the person that did this extremely unfair thing to us, might never change, but that was “his choice”.  Not mine.

When we keep grudges towards somebody who has hurt us, then we are actually showing that we “do not really believe that Christ took upon himself the sins of people.  Yes, maybe we believe that he took our sins, but not for somebody who done unfair things to us.

When I look back – forty-five years later – I can see that my ex-husband – that day – started to take a different path which eventually brought our relationship in to disaster. Keld could not forgive and became bitter towards the person who cheated us. That eventually made him bitter towards others incl. his spouse, who had chosen to “go and let God”.

Keld left his family in 1985.  He eventually also gave up on the church that previously had given him so much love and blessings, not only for himself, but for his wife and children.

Not being able to let go old grudges, but to keep reminding oneself of people “what they did to us” a month ago.  A year ago.  Ten years ago, etc. destroys not only relationships, but the person’s soul – who can’t let go of the past. It creates a “self-righteous bitterness and darkness” in their heart, to such a point that “they can’t love” nor “show affection” to those that care most about them and like in my case to a divorce.

Their soul become dark and the light of Christ cannot penetrate their mind.

I know that I previously in my blog have spoken about forgiveness and I properly will do it again, because now in my old age, I am more and more convinced that it is the key to a happy life..

Vibeke Lindhardt

21 June 2018

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